The Crazy English Language

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0><script type="text/javascript" src="http://hb.lycos.com/hb.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://ratings.lycos.com/ratings/lycosRating.js.php"></script> <script type="text/javascript"><![CDATA[//><!]]></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://scripts.lycos.com/catman/init.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/ad/code-start.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/ad/code-middle.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/ad/code-end.js"></script> <noscript> <img src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/img/common/ot_noscript.gif?rand=517792" alt="" width="1" height="1" />  <iframe frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" width="728" height="90" src="http://ad.yieldmanager.com/st?ad_type=iframe&ad_size=728x90&section=209094"></iframe>  </noscript> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" height=100 BGCOLOR="#CCCCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="31800640egdysm.jpg"> <div> <FONT SIZE="6" COLOR="#000099" FACE="Arial" ><B>The Message </b></FONT><B>   |     </b><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Message"><U><B>home</b></U></A></div> <bR> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" height=380 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <I>The Crazy English Language</I></div> <bR> <div> <B>These are some funny statements about the English Language. </b></div> <div> <B>A Great Ice Breaker!</b></div> <bR> <div> Why are there interstate hiways in Hawaii?</div> <bR> <div> Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?</div> <bR> <div> Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?</div> <bR> <div> Why is it that when transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? </div> <bR> <div> There is on egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger, neither apple or pine in pineapple.</div> <bR> <div> English muffins were not invented in England nor French Fries in France.</div> <bR> <div> Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet ate meat.</div> <bR> <div> Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. </div> <bR> <div> Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend; that you can comb through the annals of history, but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? </div> <bR> <div> How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? </div> <bR> <div> Why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fig, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham"</div> <bR> <div> If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?</div> <bR> <div> One goose, 2 geese, So one moose, two meese? Is cheese the plural of choose? One mouse, 2 mice, One louse, 2 lice, One house, 2 hice?</div> <bR> <div> If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?</div> <bR> <div> If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?</div> <bR> <div> Why do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?</div> <bR> <div> Why do people have noses that run and feet that smell?</div> <bR> <div> How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?</div> <bR> <div> How can the weather be hot as heck one day and cold as heck another?</div> <bR> <div> When a house burns up it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out.</div> <bR> <div> Have you ever noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent?  Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a dung hero or experienced requited love?  Have you ever run into someone who was combolated, gruntled, ruly, or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?</div> <bR> <div> When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are our, they are invisible.</div> <bR> <div> When I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it!</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> Taken from daily e-mails from</div> <div>  English Language??? Sermon Illustrations.html 7/8/00</div> <div> The English Language.  Fanclub4@cs.com Oct 6, 1999 </div> <div> Why? Fanclub4@cs.com Oct 6, 1999</div> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>